Issue # 15 - God Redeems What We Cannot

Growing up in the 1980s and ‘90s on a farm next to a DMZ military base on Ganghwa Island, Korea, hardship was simply a way of life. Livestock did not give you a day off because you were sick; you worked because the work had to be done, regardless.

Coming to the United States at 17 and entering a public high school in Bloomfield, NJ, was quite a transition. What made it unbearably painful, more so than my upbringing and the transition itself, was that my family had come to America because my father was running from violent gambling debt collectors in Korea.

Over the first 35 years of my life, I learned that addiction is an all-consuming and oppressive demon. It affects not only the addicted, but everyone around them. I can tell you many stories, like how my father blew all four years’ worth of my college tuition money from my grandfather during an extended trip to Atlantic City casinos. Consequently, my mom had to work seven days a week for over a decade to pay for my brother’s and my college education, and my brother and I had to work and tutor over 20 hours a week at times to pay for housing and the things we needed during college.

By the spring of 2004, I had reached what felt like the lowest point of my life. I was still living with my parents and remember getting less than 10 hours of sleep in an entire week because I simply could not find peace. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or perhaps I had finally broken under the pressure of prolonged oppression. I wanted to give up trying to make my life work. That’s when I wrote this commitment of surrender to God, thinking, “Life surrendered to God cannot be worse than the life I have.” Looking back, it was a selfish bet made by a drowning young man.

But the surrender did not suddenly make everything better. In fact, I found myself in deeper valleys and experienced new levels of hurt. At times, I honestly felt betrayed. Yet, despite my setbacks, sinfulness, and failures, God never stopped working in my life.

In 2015, my father passed away alone in Korea, where the nearly four-decade-long saga had started. There are still many regrets and hurts. When I look back at this signed commitment of surrender, one thing is clear to me: God had redeemed something so ugly and shameful in my life and family legacy into something wonderful in exchange—a life with Jesus Christ.

This life isn’t painless. I am still deeply flawed and require daily grace from Him and those around me. But it is a life full of hope in Him and the knowledge of His love—a love that required the pain Jesus endured for us to have salvation.

For those who are in hardship, have hope in Him. God loves us more than we can fathom. He does not promise that the valleys will disappear, but He will redeem our pain, failures, and shame into something wonderful.

-Scott